


and you always knew that it wouldn't be easy

by notthebigspoon



Series: Stick 'Em Up [9]
Category: Baseball RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-29
Updated: 2012-08-29
Packaged: 2017-11-13 02:57:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/498684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notthebigspoon/pseuds/notthebigspoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He's hating himself just enough to feel that throwing more fuel on the fire probably wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. And this is a conversation he's going to have to have at some point anyways.</p><p>Title taken from Lost In You by Three Days Grace.</p>
            </blockquote>





	and you always knew that it wouldn't be easy

Ryan wants to be in Houston. He wants to be there so badly that he's aching with it. He was at every game during the home stand, suited up and riding the pine. Even if he couldn't play, he wanted to be there, had to be there. He's been going through practice and warmups, they'll let him do that much. But he's still not cleared to play. His season is over.

His ribs are mostly healed, still aching when he overexerts himself. Not being able to take deep breaths for so long without pain leaves him easily winded. And he can't remember shit, can't forget that part. He thinks it would be easier if it was like a soap opera. If he couldn't remember anything at all, he wouldn't know what he was missing.

The weekend hasn't been a total wash, for all that. Pence getting surprised by Tommy fucking Conlon for one thing. He hadn't expected his suggestion for beers to be taken seriously so when Pence had stopped him after the game on Sunday and asked if Ryan and Brandon wanted to join him, Conlon and Campana for beer and pool. Ryan had calmly accepted, said yeah, that'd be cool.

And promptly scurried off to grab his boyfriend and hiss that they were going out for beer with _Tommy Conlon_. Brandon had patted his cheek and told him he was a sad, sad man. It'd been a good night, though, even with Pence disappearing halfway through and Campana being mum about his whereabouts but whispering something in Tommy's ear that had him bending over, hands on his knees and wheezing with laughter.

Ryan had went home with both their numbers programmed into his phone and an order from Campana for him to get a real trainer and vet them through him and to stop by the gym next time Ryan was in Philly. He's planning on taking him up on that.

He spent the day off alone, wandering around Chinatown while Brandon and Jalynne drove to Pleasanton to visit his family. They'd suggested and asked and then downright pleaded for him to come with them but it felt wrong, like he didn't belong there and he'd flat refused, leaving the apartment to half any further arguing.

He was out late enough that they beat him home. He'd crept into the apartment at two this morning, a little drunk and a lot tired. He'd glimpsed into the bedroom, noted that they were curled up together asleep. Without really knowing why, he'd went to bed in the guest room. When he woke up, it was noon and Brandon was already gone, out early to meet the team at the airport and fly out.

The apologies made fell on deaf ears, Jalynne patting him and telling him that Brandon had woken him up and given him a kiss goodbye. It's good to know. He must have been a lot drunker than he thought. He tells her that and she doesn't look pleased but she kisses his cheek and tells him that she forgives him, just next time call so she doesn't have to worry so much. Not an unreasonable request. Ryan promises.

She has plans with some of the other wives that night and he kisses her goodbye when she leaves, waiting until she's out the door to order a pizza and crack open a mountain dew. Guy's night in, he thinks to himself. He can watch the game, watch his boyfriend, in peace and overthink just how unfair it is that he's not there.

He can't track all the plays. It's upsetting but, and this is what scares him, that's something that he's getting used to. There are some things in the world that he just can't identify anymore, not all the time. He lives in a world of touch and go. Everyone's patient with him, so understanding that sometimes he wants to scream. He _has_ screamed, more than once, at different people. Bochy seems to be a frequent target, working Ryan up until he screams and then deflates mid rant.

It's oddly therapeutic. He wonders if Bochy does it on purpose, to get him to cool down and really focus.

Almost half a pizza and two sodas later, he'd practically catatonic. When the phone rings, he nearly jumps out of his skin. He grumbles, dusts crumbs off of his shirt and leans over to snag the land line off the end table. He checks the caller ID and sighs, pushing the talk button.

“Hi mom.”

“Hello sweetheart. You at home?”

“You did call the land line. How'd you get this number?”

“Jalynne gave it to me before we left, just in case. You haven't been answering your cell phone young man.”

“Sorry. Busy weekend.” He mutters, already wishing the call was over. He never knows what to say to anyone anymore. He's starting to get decidedly socially awkward. Maybe he needs to get out more. “You guys batten down the hatches for the hurricane?”

“We're all ready. Stocked with food and water and what not. We should be just fine. Your father's having the time of his life. You'd think it was the apocalypse.”

“Well thank god it isn't. Not like I need to go to hell any earlier than scheduled.”

“Ryan Theriot, what on earth are you going on about, going to hell? Nonsense.”

Well. He's hating himself just enough to feel that throwing more fuel on the fire probably wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. And this is a conversation he's going to have to have at some point anyways. He doesn't always want to just call them his friends. He's going to have to explain why he's still living with them when he's supposedly better enough to live on his own.

“Mom, Brandon. He's not just my friend. And neither is Jalynne. I've been dating them for a couple months now.”

Just like he'd expected, she explodes. She asks him a million and one questions, like if his life is that bad or did he take too many pain pills, what on earth is he thinking, they're married, they can't possibly care about him. He mostly chews on his lip and lets her talk herself out. He turns the game on mute, watches the post game with a detached feeling. He wonders if this is what Bochy does when Ryan explodes at him, just tunes him out until he winds down.

But then he realizes his mother is crying and he feels like the world's biggest jackass. “Mama... mama, c'mon now, stop crying please.”

“Is this something I did? Did I do something wrong?”

“Mama, it has nothing to do with you. You didn't have a problem with me being bi, why does this bother you?”

“Because they're _married_ Ryan. You don't... baby, you don't get to keep two people, you don't, life doesn't work like that.”

“Working out pretty well for us so far.” He answers indifferently, picking at his nails. “I love them. And they love me. I know... I know it doesn't make sense to you but it works for us. I just didn't want to have to keep lying about them. Tell me it's okay mama. Please.”

“Are you happy? Are you sure you're happy?”

“Happier than I've ever been. Even with all the shit that's going on, I'm happier than I ever was with Johnnah.” He says, smiling to himself because that's _true_. It's not even that it's new and different, things just click with Brandon and Jalynne like they never did. He flinches when he hears the door opening, offering his girlfriend a pained smile. “Mama, I gotta go, Jay's home.”

“No. No young man, you do not 'gotta go', you gotta hand that phone to that young lady right now.”

“What? No!”

“I said now, Ryan.”

He should hang up. He should hang up and in the future pretend they never had this conversation. She'll be very angry at him for a long time and she might not talk to him for months but anything would be better than the awkwardness that is coming. But he doesn't. Against his own will, he gets off the couch and hands the phone to Jalynne, whispering 'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry' before fleeing to take a shower so he doesn't have to hear the conversation.

It seems like it take forever. He showers, lingering as long as possible and letting the steam loosen up his lungs. He dries himself off, brushes his teeth and grabs a pair of pajama pants and one of Brandon's t-shirts. He's in bed and thinking about hiding his head under the pillow when Jalynne comes in and drops her heels in the closet. She says nothing, grabs her own pajamas and pads into the bathroom to wash her face and brush her teeth. She doesn't acknowledge Ryan in the slightest until she's crawled into bed with him and leaned in for a kiss.

“Alright. You're not mad at me. Good.”

“Oh, no, I'm mad at you. You could have warned me what I was walking into. But you're cute so I forgive you.”

“What did she say?”

“That Brandon and I had better be very very careful with you and that the next time she's out to visit you, she and I are going to have a nice long chat.”

“I'm sorry.”

“It's okay. And it's not... I'm not ashamed or anything but baby, why did you tell her?”

“Seemed like the thing to do at the time. I kind of lost my head.” He admits, flushing. “Just. I was tired of lying about it. And I figure if I just said it was going on it was one less thing where I had to scramble for an answer. She's not okay with it, not really.”

“Well, I like her, she's a sweet lady, but if she doesn't like us loving you then tough.”

Ryan shrugs, wrapping an arm around Jalynne's waist and pulling her in close. “My thoughts exactly. I don't expect you and Brandon to tell your families. If it happens at all, it happens on your terms. So don't sweat that, okay? It's just that-”

“You're a mama's boy and you secretly want your mother's approval.”

“Well when you say it like that, it's not a secret, is it?”

“Nope. But you're my favorite mama's boy so you won't hear me complain. Might hear Brandon mock you though.” Jalynne giggles, kissing his neck. Ryan shuts his eyes and sighs, burying his face in her hair. The giggles taper off and Jalynne pulls her head back, frowning and touching his cheek. “Tell me what you're thinking baby.”

“That I'm lucky to have you and Brandon both. And that I'll do whatever it takes to keep you both.”

“I'm glad you feel that way. Because we were talking on the way home from his parents place and we feel the exact same way about you. Not going to let you go without a fight. Well, I'm not going to let you go at all.”

“A restraining order couldn't stop your love.”

“Exactly. That's my smart man.”

She laughs, and in spite of the situation with his mother and his fucked up brain, he feels like everything is okay again. It's weird, how easy that comes, just a kiss or a touch or the right words from Jalynne or Brandon and the world blurs away until all that matters is the fact that he has two people that love him that are never going to let him go.

They stay awake long enough to wait for Brandon to call like he promised he would. He's a little drunk and they can hear Lincecum's off key singing in the background, Brandon sporadically joining in. They only stay on the phone long enough to tell him they love him and hear the same in turn before hanging up. Ryan rolls over and puts the phone on the hook, sprawling onto his back and wrapping an arm around Jalynne's shoulders when she snuggles up against his side.

They're in love with an idiot. They're both pretty okay with that.


End file.
